But I’m not.
Because my mind is going a million miles per hour and it won’t be slowing down anytime soon.
My life has been so hectic lately, I don’t even know what to do with myself. I feel like a kid in high school again, confused and stressed. Only I don’t have finals to worry about anymore, I might as well with how things have been.
I’m so tired, but I can’t close my eyes, because if I do that, then I have no choice but to deal with my issues. If I stay awake and write, I only have to focus on what’s right in front of me, and my only worry is spellcheck working correctly. When I was younger, my friends that already had graduated from school and had jobs told me a very wise piece of knowledge:
“You either have a job, plenty of money, but no free time. Or you have no job, no money, and way too much free time.”
At least I can say that I have the former rather than the latter.
I know, I know, am I really going to complain about having a job and money? So many people can’t even say that. Well I’m stressed the hell out and I’m gonna complain. I thought at some point, after having a job secured and money regularly going into my bank account, a life would come along as well. I thought at some point, I’d be going out with friends and having grand old times. Go out to eat on a random weekend just because I could. Maybe even have the occasional weekday to just sit on my couch and read a book.
Nope, nope, and nope. However, what I did get was work. Work, work, work. As in, I can’t have ten minutes to myself without being called in to work again. My fantastic work ethic and obtuse availability landed me on my boss’s “favorites” list. Such a favorite that basically any other coworker can just walk out in the middle of their shifts and my boss will call me in, because why wouldn’t I be available?
I don’t mean to sound like some holier-than-thou working person. I completely get that work is work, and to be a functioning member of society, you have to suck it up and do what the higher-ups want. It’s part of being an adult. But when I’m tired, I’m tired, and I want to vent. Nothing’s wrong with that.
Besides work, my girlfriend’s schedule has become increasingly busy. Instead of the three days at a time that we had to wait to talk to each other, we’re lucky if we even have a conversation within a three-week window. I wouldn’t expect anything different–she’s a Marine. It comes with the job. I can’t blame her if things get hectic, we have busy lives. But at the end of the day, that’s extra stress on my shoulders.
Maybe I’m over thinking everything. It’s a rotten habit that I do way too well. Maybe I just need to sleep it all off, and when I wake up, it’ll seem like nothing.
But I still can’t sleep. It’s now one-thirty.